a New year battle between ambition and present moment contentment

Happy New Year!

Having spoken to a few clients and friends since new year there seems to be a real polarity of energies at the moment.  A handful of folks seem fired up with new years' resolutions and raring to go, many are still in a deep winter, maintaining a retreat of sorts with little energy to summon beyond comfort and rest.  

A few seem genuinely contented with their choice at either end of this spectrum, but the majority, if I'm honest, seem a little conflicted, particularly those running their own businesses and I'm not surprised.  

Our feeds are full of the usual rallying cry that we see around this time of year; get to the gym, start as you mean to go on, create your vision board, set your goals, intentions, plans, be better, do more… it's all very exciting … that hopeful feeling of the potential of a fresh start is enticing and can be hugely motivating. 

I've also seen a lot of talk on various platforms rejecting this typical new year hype and pressure of goal setting and planning and the relentless call for self or business improvement. Inviting us to reject the implication that we can or should be improving or growing and instead just accept ourselves as we are and liberate ourselves from endless striving. For those craving justification to take their foot of the gas, relax and take care of themselves it's a welcome relief. 

It seems we have two clear choices; strive to fulfil our potential and squeeze every juicy drop out of life and business or go slow, take care of ourselves, be more mindful and let things come in their own good time. 

So which is it? Which one will ensure business success and winning at life? 

 The former go-getter approach, seems to imply an exhausting pressure cooker that might lead to eventual burnout, the latter a peaceful, simple life of very little excitement, achievement let alone a covetous P&L.

So much of our existence is driven to extreme polarities, we are boxed into binary thinking by algorithms, media and political forces that fear the shades of grey and nuance but prefer us to have clear yes or no thinking that makes those consumer or voting choices so much simpler to determine and manipulate.

Does abdicating from new year goal setting and vision boarding mean you are automatically opting for a laissez faire approach to your business?

Does choosing to meet your own needs for wellbeing and vitality mean you can't have huge unbelievably great goals for your work?

Do we have to be fired up all the time and relentlessly striving if we are really serious about our potential? 

Can we still have high expectations and meet ourselves with compassion?

Do we really have to choose?

I don't believe we do. 

 What if instead of either/or we approached this year in the spirit of AND?

Hold the vision AND trust the process

Act on our inspiration AND wait when needed

Push ourselves to step up when we don't always feel like it AND enjoy going with the flow when we find it

Make the mistakes AND enjoy the successes

I certainly know from my own experience that I have the sense, seemingly all in one moment, to be both fired up and excited AND hesitant and uncertain.

I know from working with many clients that we have the capacity for so much to exist within us simultaneously. We have the ability to hold many truths and experiences and I don't believe we are designed to be in one consistent mode for thriving.

We cannot expect ourselves to be in perpetual Spring because resources will get depleted, likewise too long in Winter freezes us at the core.  We are dynamic, we are cyclical and we undoubtedly have more capability and capacity than we give ourselves credit for. 

It’s about balance and flow. Push and pull, give and receive. It’s about understanding our core values and priorities and it’s about practicing the art of discernment moment by moment as to what is right for us in order to be all that we can be whilst enjoying all that we already are.

Fully residing in the present moment and having a desire for positive change is a challenge. Resting in compassion and taking care whilst summoning the will to take necessary action, is a tricky dance.

I've been reflecting on this internal dance in myself a fair bit over the last few weeks and I’m endlessly curious about that balance between motivated momentum and contented calm. There’s a few conclusions I’ve come to thus far.

I believe we rise, or fall, to the level of our own expectations, and if we don't set any then we most likely default to what’s comfortable. I know that our comfort zone shrinks over time if it’s not actively and positively stretched. Things that were previously easy become more challenging over time. In contrast, by gentle stretching (not pushing ourselves beyond healthy boundaries) we can greatly increase our capacity for all sorts of things that might have looked daunting at first glance.

I saw this myself this past few weeks skiing with my partner. To say he’s a fearless and accomplished skier without much remembrance of what it’s like to be a newbie and is driven to push his boundaries and excel at challenge is an understatement.

Imagine the hilarity that ensued on the slopes with little ole me. A wet-behind-the-ears, only three seasons in rookie who thinks it’s utterly bonkers and counter intuitive to lean DOWN the mountain when it’s dropping away from you as your best chance of survival. (When all you want to do is lean back from the precipice … as your ski’s career wildly away from you!)

In the early days of our trip this year I can recall looking from the top of a fairly benign red run and thinking “no chance mate”. And my poor man having to wait on the shoulder for me every few corners to catch up.

By the end of a few days of little-by-little gentle but consistent encouragement and the desire to rise to the challenge and see what was possible, I was looking from the bottom of a sheet of ice on a pretty steep run thinking “well that was fun!”. In addition, keeping my eyes firmly focused on the vision of him ahead enabled me to drown out my internal fearful dialogue and gave me something to aim for, and after a while I wasn’t playing catch up anymore.

I also know however, that there’s a limit to how far I can push myself without risking a total collapse of self confidence. I know that pushing myself relentlessly without care achieves nothing but nervous system overload.

Taking time to develop an acute sensitivity to our own physical and emotional boundaries and then listening to that, will give us a navigation system to live by.

Cultivating a warm and encouraging internal voice and a grin not a grimace, is a far more powerful force for achievement than relentless chastisement.

Having people around us rooting for our very best, helps in spades.

I know that having a compelling, inspiring vision and example of what might be possible, gives us something to aim for and pulls us forwards faster than we might have pushed ourselves.

Couple that with a playful curiosity and the willingness to fall on your ass occasionally (and not take it too seriously) means we can enjoy some of the most thrilling experiences of life.